When it comes to studies and especially examinations, parents are often believed to be strict with their child. Parents want their child to study day & night and expect him to score if not 100%, at least 95%. Though this is for the child’s good, it can land him in depression!
Here are some immediate reactions you could hear from children after an exam that didn’t go well,
- Shit, what will I tell my parents?
- My mind’s in a fix!
- My dad will literally kill me!
- …& many more…
You see that the children are more worried about facing the questions they expect their parents to throw before them and are less worried about about their next exam! If you ever visited an exam center, you could easily notice that after an exam, the children whose exams didn’t go well are divided into two virtual groups – Stressed but Worried & Stressed but Not Worried. The children falling under both the groups are naturally stressed, but the children under the first group are worried because they are scared of the after-exam effects. The second group of children can be divided further, but I will ignore it as it has nothing to do with the topic we’re discussing.
A child is not always stressed because of the questions he expects his parents to throw before him. There may be other reasons too. But here let us only consider about how parents can make their child’s exam wonderful by doing what really is necessary and not doing what they think is necessary! Here we go…
Questions, Questions & Questions
After answering so many questions in an exam, a child isn’t really ready to answer some more questions asked by you. Of course, how can you expect your child to answer 10 more questions after answering 100 in his exam? When your child returns stressed after an exam, don’t throw questions before him like, How was the exam?, I’m sure you will top it, right?, etc. These additional questions act as pressurizing pills and often stress the child more.
In many cases a child will answer all your questions without you even asking them! All you need to to do is to be patient and wait for your child to speak his heart out.
Pressurizing Lines & Your Tone
During exam time, avoid communicating with your child with a tough, harsh voice. This acts as a pressure dose for your child and makes him think that he is supposed to study, only study. Talk with your child in a way that comforts him and not the way that discomforts him or pressurizes him.
Avoid using pressurizing lines which directly or indirectly suggest your child that he has to get good marks or face dire consequences. As far as I know, a child really does understand the importance of exams and knows what to do and what not to do at least before the exam day!
I’m With You
The above 3 words can actually help your child to get rid of all his tension and do better. For example if your child returns after an exam which unfortunately didn’t go well and you reply him with: you should have studies harder, I told you to study, but you didn’t, etc. it discomforts the child’s mind. Next time, try changing the lines and use these instead: It’s okay, concentrate on your next exam or it’s past, forget it and think about your next exam or some similar lines. Don’t you think these lines are more comforting ones? Think! The I’m with you attitude actually helps the child relax a bit and helps him do better in his next exam!
Forget your kitty party, your friend’s marriage, or may be your society function during your child’s exam. During exam time, all that a child expects from you is support. He wants you to spend as much as possible time with him. By spending time with him, I don’t mean that you should be 24×7 in his room, but you should be available with a call. One call for help and you should be there in no time!
Ignore the functions & parties, not your child!
During exam time, if your child wants to watch television or play his favorite computer game or wants to play foot ball or wants to talk to his friend don’t stop him from doing so. Breaks help to refresh mind, to regain the lost concentration & focus and thus to study. So if you stop your child from taking the necessary breaks, you are actually pressurizing hid mind which is not good at all! Gift your child one break at least!
What Has Sleep to Do With Exams?
During exam time don’t expect nor force your child to spend his entire day studying. Though he may seem to be studying, he may actually be sleeping. So, don’t force your child into studying 24×7 and offer him some sleep for a change!
Now having said all that, the question arises: Why should I be trusted? I’m not a psychologist nor am I a counselor, but you should still trust me! I’m simply a student and the above things are what I expect from my parents. My parents have tried the above things on me and they have always worked! And so I think you should not have a problem trusting me!
sometimes even if the parents are not trying to pressure there son/daughter the tone makes them feels so. I agree with you that a Break and sleep is must for a student.
Exactly, the style of talking, the tone it all indirectly affects a child’s brain and adds pressure to his already stressed life!
It’s so true… Student get sometimes over stressed automatically without no reason… It’s because of some physiological phenomena depending on the atmosphere of the student where he/she is living… Actually most students get automatically stressed because of their own friends….